Dreams of Jenna

I've now had 4 dreams about Jenna that I can recall.

The first three were shortly after she passed away and the 4th was just last night.

The first dream was that Jenna and I were at a playgroup and the husband of one of the other Moms had died. Jenna was crying and saying "It just isn't fair, how can it be? I can't believe it! He was so young!"

I know that was a strange dream, but I guess in some ways my brain was trying to process what had happened to Jenna through the way I thought she would handle it if someone died. I'm just grasping at straws here, It was strange.

The second dream was that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jenna was going to die, and we were together just having a normal conversation and in the back of my mind I was trying to decide whether I should tell her that she was not going to be here much longer. I woke up before I made the decision.

The third dream was one of the most intense. I was in the hospital and had had some sort of transplant from Jenna. I was brushing my hair and glanced down and noticed that the lower portion of my hair looked like diseased blood veins, that's the only way I can think of to describe it, but it was definitely gross and really disturbing. I remember thinking, "It didn't work, she will be devastated. How will I tell her?

So right about then, the door to the room opens and she and Mark and the kids come in. Ashlee and Kaitlin jump up on the bed and Jenna sits down about the middle of the bed and Mark sits on her. She looked at him like "I don't think so" and they laughed and he scooted over. She leaned in close to me and said "Sometime in the next few minutes we really need to talk". and I said "ok" I was thinking I could tell her then that it didn't work.

About that time I woke up, and it hit me that in the dream, I was dying, not Jenna and that was what she wanted to tell me.

Last night I dreamed that Jenna and I were at the grocery store picking up a few things, and again, I had the knowledge that she was about to die, but in this dream, she also had that knowledge.

When we were checking out, I started crying almost uncontrollably. In the dream, I was thinking of how I had lost a dear friend "DeWayne". We had known each other since about 12 years of age and were inseparable for about 5 years, and then visited each other often until the age of 30 when he passed away. I just couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose Jenna, and just couldn't hold back the tears. For some reason, we had to leave the line and go get a grocery buggy (or cart) as Jenna called it, to put the groceries in, and we sat down and I was still crying and right before I woke up, I could hear that she was crying too.

All of these dreams are strange to me, but I think they are all versions of my mind trying to process what has happened.