Girl's Night Out

First Day Back Part 2!!

Rand has been asking and asking (despite not wanting to go back after Christmas break last year) "When do I go back to school?" He even finally gave in to potty training because I told him he couldn't start back to school until he was potty trained!

He got dressed this morning and was all excited to go until we got to the classroom! I stood him in front of his backpack for a picture and all he would do was frown! Well, it was more of a mad face than a frown!

I went in and asked the teacher if I could stay with him a little since we hadn't made it to registration, we were in Alabama visiting. She was happy to oblidge and even had some paperwork for me to fill out since we'd missed registration.

He sat in my lap and played with dinosaurs and then sat at my feet and played all the while keeping a hand on my leg so I couldn't get away!

He seemed to be relaxing so I asked if he would stand in front of the bookshelf for a picture - another mad look!

I was telling the teacher that he was VERY NEWLY potty trained. The day before was the first day he had actually worn his bigboy undies but I spared her that detail!

She took that as an opportunity to show Rand the potty and I chose to take that opportunity to high tail it to the nearest exit! Lol not quite but I must say I was excited that he went with her willingly and I did say "goodbye"!

When I picked him up, he was very happy and had a good day and wants to go back! I got a shot of him running to me and a couple of him SMILING by his backpack! Woo Hoo!

He told me he missed me and asked if I cried when I missed him! I told him that although I did miss him, I didn't cry because I knew he was having a good time!

Back to School!

The day started out well. I got up on time and got the girls ready and out the door all excited and ready to start their new year at school! Breanna wasn't too sure about being dropped off and picked up at a different spot than she's used to but I told her that they don't have enough room at the K-1 door so the 2-4 have to go out front where they ask us to and she agreed to be dropped off out front.

I snapped a few pictures as they were walking up to the school. They are definitely growing up fast!

Rand asked about why we were by ourselves and I told them that it was time for A & B to go back to school and that he would go back to school tomorrow. He said "I don't like to be by ourselves".

My did this change. (Not wanting to be by himself) He decided he wanted to be by himself to the point of almost making my heart stop. We had an uneventful morning at home and then I thought it would be nice for us to have lunch together. We went to Fazoli's and ate and it was great. He was doing some cute sitting down dancing to the beat of the music and we talked and laughed. Then it was time to go................. We stood up, I put his trash on the tray that already had my trash on it, turned around and he was gone. I looked all around and no Rand. I went towards the bathrooms and the guys who worked there came around the corner and I asked if they'd seen a little boy go by. One of them said "I just saw him run by, I think he went outside". I went outside and called, he didn't answer. I went back in and looked around again and looked in the bathroom. I went back outside and the boys who worked there were outside and had found Rand behind the van. I went around and Rand was looking up with a silly grin on his face.

I know it happens, I know it has happened to most every parent on the face of the planet, but it's hard not to say "Why didn't I..... What if........ I've prayed about it and I'm trying to just let it go and just try to learn from it, but praying that it never happens again.

I managed to function enough to go get him a haircut and get some groceries at Wal Mart afterwards. I know he feels badly about it, I don't know how many times he's said he's sorry and he knows now that if it happens again, he won't play video games for a week. I'm so grateful to God that he's safe but my heart is just broken that it even happened.

I'm leaving in a few minutes to get the girls. I hope they had a great first day back to school. We're going to stop by on the way home and get them some new sneakers and Breanna a haircut. Autumn is growing hers out and doesn't want it cut.

They had a great day at school! They love their teachers and are happy with their classmates although some of their best friends are not in their classes :( All in al it is good!

Oh yeah, the pictures with the teachers are first because they were taken on registration day. Last year I didn't get to go back to the class on the first day because they were making people sign in and the line was long, so this year I took pics on registration day and didn't attempt to go to the classroom the first full day :)

Granny Granny

This past Tuesday, Dan's Grandmother passed away. She was 97! She was cantankerous at times but well loved. She had lived through the Great Depression, worked in the cotton mill starting at age 11, lost a young child (Dan's Mom's baby sister) and lost her husband a long time ago (30 years or longer). I didn't see her smile much, except when talking to her grandkids, or the one time we went fishing. I was pregnant with Autumn so wow, it was 9-1/2 to 10 years ago. Granny loved fishing and used to go quite a bit, but with her failing health, and not being able to drive, she didn't get to go very often her last 15 years or so.

She told me a few years or more ago that she was ready to go. It makes it easier to let someone go when they've lived their life for so many years and they are ready to go.

My prayers are with my Mom in Law Betty who has been caring for Granny for the last 15 years. She will be lost with out her for a while, but hopefully will get back out living life soon. She used to be really active in her church and enjoys being with people and has gladly sacrificed all that to take care of her Mom.

So long for now Granny, we love you!

Pictures to follow

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rand is finally showing interest in potty training. I don't know how long back it was but there was a day or two where he actually sat down and did some business, but every time since that time we would ask him if he wanted to potty he would say "NO"!!!!!!!!!

And I couldn't even use school for a bribe because although he wanted to go to school from August through December, after the Christmas break, he wanted no part of it except on Easter Egg Hunt Day. And possibly the end of school party.

Well recently he's been asking if he's going back to school! I told him that while they cut him some slack last year, he has to be potty trained to go to 4yr pre-school.

FINALLY yesterday he did his business on the potty. Today he has done business twice on the potty! I'm so excited! I have to say that I had a good bit to clean up (aim is off - just learning) but it was worth it. I'm so proud of him!!!

And I have to say "I LOVE CHOCOLATE MILK"!!!!!!!!!!! That is the bribe that finally worked. M & M's wouldn't even work as an incentive! Or peeing on cheerios!!!! It took the promise of chocolate milk!

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace is a song that takes me back to my childhood, I remember singing it in church, and at funerals. It brings so many emotions. Memories of loved ones lost, especially my Daddy, and thoughts of just how much God loved me to send his son to die for me. I've heard many versions and have enjoyed most all of them, but recently I heard a version that has to be my favorite.

I first heard this on the radio and then recently the worship team at church sang it and I couldn't contain my tears, I just LOVE this song and I wanted to share it!



Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)
By Chris Tomlin

Hapy Birthday Autumn!

Today is Autumn's 9th Birthday! It's hard to believe it was 9 years ago that she was born! She is growing up so fast. She had a good day :) She opened her presents, had breakfast, went to church, we went to Logan's and ate and rode skooters. I think her favorite gift was a password journal! She and Breanna did some painting with some paint pens that Breanna gave her. Last Monday we had a party at Jacy's - it was a party for Mykenzie and for Autumn since their Birthdays are a week apart. They had a blast swimming, playing with water baloons, playing in the bouncer and eating ice cream sundaes! Here are some pictures:)

I remember

One year ago today was one of the most surreal days I've ever known. I was headed to Ellen's to take her some boxes for their upcoming move, and Chandra called. Someone had called to say that Jenna probably wouldn't answer if we called, she was groggy from meds. We talked about possibly watching the kids so Janna could go check on her. And wondering if we could go later to see her. I dropped off the boxes with Ellen, and then Chandra called while I was still in the parking lot and said that things were not good, and could I meet her over at Jenna's to watch the kids while she drove Janna to the hospital. I remember just feeling fear, and dread. I just remember telling Ellen to pray for Jenna, and I headed to Jenna's.

I remember the look on Janna's face when we got there and asking her "What do you know" I was afraid she'd gotten a call that Jenna was already gone, but she hadn't. Just that the family needed to get there.

I remember that waiting was hard, trying to keep my emotions from the kids. They were all just happy to play together. I talked to a friend who suggested I get the kids together to pray for Jenna. I didn't think I could handle that emotionally but she said "they will always remember, no matter how things turn out that they prayed for their Mom with their friends", so we did.

I remember the phone ringing and the caller ID saying Vanderbuilt. I remember Janna saying "She's gone". I remember saying "Oh Jesus" and just thinking "it can't be" but it was true.

I remember trying to stay sane in front of the kids and trying to not let them know anything was wrong. I called my Mom and she kept me going until Chandra pulled up. She was on the phone and I waited for a few minutes, had Autumn keep an eye on the kids and I went out to try to get a feel for who Chandra was talking to. It was Jacy. I asked if she had heard from Janna since she left (trying to figure out if she knew or not) and she said no. All I could come out with was the same thing that Janna had said "She's gone" We just all cried together, A group hug - two friends together and one on the phone.

I remember wondering how we would hold it together for the kids. I remember looking into their eyes, knowing what I knew and not crying.

I remember the look in Janna's eyes when she and Mark came in. I remember the disappointment from the kids not getting to share Happpy Meals with their friends, and knowing that the disappointment of their life was about to be revealed to them.

I remember driving home and fielding questions from Autumn who knew something was up.

I remember tears and questions and weak attempts at answers.

I remember not believing that Jenna was gone.

Here we are a year later. It seems like yesterday and it seems like years ago.

Tonight we will meet at one of Jenna's favorite restaurants La Siesta to celebrate her life and remember her death and I'm sure, talk about her influence on all of our lives.

We Love and miss you Jenna!

Blog Slacker

I wanted to do a small update of events since March was the last time I posted anything prior to this week. The kids had a great school year and were sad the school year was over. Well, all except for Rand, he was perfectly happy that it was over! So 4th grade is next for Autumn, 2nd for Breanna and 4yr pre-school for Rand!

Rand is now 4 years old as of June 1st!! What a big man and where has the time gone?

My Dad has been gone 3 years now and that's hard to believe too. We miss you Daddy!

I had already posted that Breanna turned 7 onJanuary 13th but never actually posted a picture, so at the bottom of this post I will add some pictures from the last few months or so.

Another family graduation, my neice Sarah graduated from High School, congratulations Sarah!

And now that the cat is officially out of the bag on her blog, my friend Chandra is pregnant!! Congratulations Harrison Family!!

Vacation Bible School is starting Monday and the girls are excited about it. Rand didn't want to go and I didn't force it.

Dan and I recently celebrated his Birthday and our 19th Wedding Anniversary! Speaking of time going by!!!

This picture of me and Dan wasn't actually taken on May 25th, it was taken in April at a friend's wedding reception but I thought it was fitting to post as an Anniversary picture!:



Rand poses by his school stuff on his last day of 3 year old pre-school:





Autumn, Breanna and Autumn's friend Courtney on the last day of school!:



Breanna's 7th Birthday in January:



Rand turns 4!:

Happy Birthday Jenna!

Happy Birthday Jenna! We are missing you. Today Chandra and Jacy and I and our kiddos went to lunch at Toots in your honor. Chandra ordered some fried pickles especially for you. I don't like them but I ate some for you! I just wanted you to know that you are in our hearts and minds and we'll always think of you.

I don't have a Birthday picture of you from last year so I will post one from 2006. Miss and love you!

Precious Prayers

Ashlee and Kaitlin spent the day with us today. We had a good day of fun with Chandra, Ryan and Makenna. We went to McDonald's for lunch where it was entirely too chaotic!

It's funny how your impressions change with the growth of your children. When mine were very young, anyone bigger than them was just too big to be in the play tubes. Now than mine are bigger, I'm sure other parents think mine are too big but I look at the ones that are a foot taller than mine and think "they are too big to be in there"!!! Meanwhile, mine are a foot taller than some in there. Oh well. It will be a sad day when they are too old for it!

We went to the Library park and they played their hearts out and then we came back to our house and they played even more.

Tonight, they watched a movie after dinner and got ready for bed.

We have a nightly routine of songs and prayers and a poem and when Ashlee and Kaitlin are here, they jump right in and take part. Tonight Ashlee's message to God was "I Love You, Please take good care of my Mommy". Kaitlin's message was "I Love You, Please take good care of my Mommy and help her not to die again". I told Kaity that you can't die in heaven and that her Mommy wouldn't die again".

Nothing can rip your heart out quite like a precious prayer of a child for the Mommy that they miss who is in Heaven. This got Ashlee and Kaitlin remembering things about the day Jenna died and about the funeral. They amaze me in that they were fine when talking and I was fighting back the tears.

Then Autumn and Breanna started missing Paw Paw (my Dad) and we talked about him for a while and how he used to play with them. I must not have been paying much attention to Rand because he touched my face and pointed to his face and he had a big sad face. I asked if he was sad too and he nodded.

I'm counting my blessings tonight. My brother in law Maurice just recently found out he had some issues with his heart and had a procedure done today for a blockage in an artery. I'm grateful that he did well and is doing well. I think about Jenna and how I miss her and all who knew and loved her miss her, I think about my kids and my husband and my family and I read Jacy's blog before posting tonight and she had a beautiful post about John 3:16 which got me thinking and so I'll finish my post by saying:

Thank you God for all of the many blessings you have given me. Family, friends, and for your One and only Son who you freely gave to live on earth and die on the cross for and becuase of my sins.

My big man!

Rand has been really anti going to any classroom whatsoever since Christmas break was over. He doesn't want to go to Sunday School, Pre-School or the playroom at the Y. He screamed his brains out the first time I tried to get him to go the the one at the Y so I didn't push it. Later, he went in but only if Breanna went.

Two months went by and he started wanting to go in there but it was at times where we either didn't have time or the playroom was closed. Finally, yesterday we went there to swim and he wanted to play and it was opened so he went straight in, didn't look back, no tears, no fussing, awesome!!!!!!! The girls went to their play area so I got to walk!!!!!!! I loved it!!!!!!

Then this morning, he actually said "I want to go to school"!!!!!!!!! He however changed his mind once we got there but didn't put up too big a fuss.

He's been to Sunday School a couple of times in the last month too! He did put up a big stinking fuss the first time but was having a blast when I came back to pick him up, and then this past Sunday, we were walking up to the church and he said "I want to go to Miss Cori and Miss Margie's room (pre-school room). I think the "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL" days are soon to be behind us!

Midnight Concert!?!

This morning around 12:50am to be exact, I slowly awakened to the not so faint sounds of music! My first thought was that Dan had left the video game/tv on downstairs but then realized it was quiet when I went to sleep.

My second thought was that it was later than it actually was and that the girls were up before me and decided to turn on the tv. I sat up and looked at the clock and realized that couldn't be the case!

My next thought was that the people who live right behind us were having a wild party and then I realized we don't have anyone living right behind us! lol

I finally recognized one of the songs as either from my i-pod or the radio so I went downstairs to find out what was going on before it woke everyone else up!

I get to the kitchen to find my radio on at level 20!!!!!!!! Somehow the alarm function had been turned on and set to 12:20 am and it took about 30 minutes to wake me up!!!

Now I'm not one to place blame, but the girls denied it, Rand can't reach it and Dan wouldn't do it because when I called to tell him about it, he said the same thing happened to him the night before and he'd had a similar thought process as to what it was. "He went downstairs to tell the neighbors to turn the music down and found the radio blaring"!! lol Why he failed to mention it to me yesterday I don't know!

Ok so here comes the blame. I know it sounds crazy, but Jenna swore to me that if she died before me, if there was any way possible, she would find a way to "come back and haunt my a**!

I've had at least one other issue with an electronic device that was a little spooky and at least one issue that didn't involve electronics and so I would like to say, "Jenna, if it is you, GOOD JOB!!!!!"

It's Snowing!

Not very much but enough to be pretty!!!! The kids are so excited - well truthfully I am too!! Autumn said "If it keeps up like this, in about 30 minutes we'll have 2 or 3 feet!! lol

I need to go get my camera so I can document it!

?????????

I've been absent from the blog world and a lot has been going on. I think I will only post the highlights and leave out the lowlights!

We had a great Christmas, just spent the day at home and the kids had a blast opening presents and we adults had a pretty good time opening presents too! The kids and I went down to Alabama the day after, and Dan went to Florida on business. We had a great visit with our family.

Breanna turned 7 years old January 13th! It's hard to believe she's 7 already! She is so grown in so many ways and still such a little girl too. I still remember the day she was born. I was so proud to have her in my arms! She was so big too, I was shocked! She was 9lbs. 11oz and 23-1/2 inches long! She is taller than Autumn now much to Autumn's dismay, but whenever she mentions it, Autumn comes back with "Well I'm older"

I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my family and I love my friends and I'm so grateful to be so blessed. I'm making resolutions to focus on the positive, not the negative, to get in shape (We joined the YMCA)!!! And to have "Quiet Time" with God daily. I want to be in an ongoing small group/devotional with other ladies, and basically trust that God is in control and say goodbye to anxiety.

Thanks to you guys who keep coming back to see if I have posted and my apologies for waiting so long to do so! I debated long and hard weather or not to post the negatives that have been going on and finally decided not to.

And once again, I plan to update more often...................................

A Great Night!

Thanks again to those who sponsored me in the Light The Night Walk. It was really a night to remember. So many people gathered together to support one cause remembering and celebrating so many people - people who have gone on and people who are still here fighting the fight, or who are in remission.

I had a few small reservations that it might be too sad at times. It was really emotional for me at a few points but the fun and celebration outweighed any sadness.

It was especially awesome to have Jenna's Mom Janna there to celebrate and walk with us. The spirit of Jenna was definitely with her Mom that night. It was good to belly laugh and dance a little and to feel Jenna's presence.

It was also wonderful to be with so many friends. New friends, old friends, friends I hadn't seen in a while. It was really a feeling of community.

I look forward to walking again next year!!!

Thanks again to the following for sponsoring me in the walk!!!

Chandra and Wayne Harrison, Jacy and Travis Bolin, The Bourque Family, Tamra Thorne, Kay Richardson

Light The Night For Jenna!

October 18th is Nashville's Light the Night walk to support the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Last year we had thought about walking but decided our focus would be better spent directly on Jenna and her family.

This year we had planned to walk together, with Jenna. Since Jenna has been called home, we will be walking with her in spirit only. I know she will be proud and pleased to look down on the lights carried by her friends, and I'm sure we'll feel her presence there.

I have put up a link on the top right (Just above the Light the Night symbol) that you can click on that will take you to the site where you can sponsor me in this walk!!

Now don't pass out!

Ok y'all, I've suddenly gone into posting madness. I've actually posted 4 things now in just a couple of days!

Does this make up for the huge lack of posting?

Let's hope so!!

Dreams of Jenna

I've now had 4 dreams about Jenna that I can recall.

The first three were shortly after she passed away and the 4th was just last night.

The first dream was that Jenna and I were at a playgroup and the husband of one of the other Moms had died. Jenna was crying and saying "It just isn't fair, how can it be? I can't believe it! He was so young!"

I know that was a strange dream, but I guess in some ways my brain was trying to process what had happened to Jenna through the way I thought she would handle it if someone died. I'm just grasping at straws here, It was strange.

The second dream was that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jenna was going to die, and we were together just having a normal conversation and in the back of my mind I was trying to decide whether I should tell her that she was not going to be here much longer. I woke up before I made the decision.

The third dream was one of the most intense. I was in the hospital and had had some sort of transplant from Jenna. I was brushing my hair and glanced down and noticed that the lower portion of my hair looked like diseased blood veins, that's the only way I can think of to describe it, but it was definitely gross and really disturbing. I remember thinking, "It didn't work, she will be devastated. How will I tell her?

So right about then, the door to the room opens and she and Mark and the kids come in. Ashlee and Kaitlin jump up on the bed and Jenna sits down about the middle of the bed and Mark sits on her. She looked at him like "I don't think so" and they laughed and he scooted over. She leaned in close to me and said "Sometime in the next few minutes we really need to talk". and I said "ok" I was thinking I could tell her then that it didn't work.

About that time I woke up, and it hit me that in the dream, I was dying, not Jenna and that was what she wanted to tell me.

Last night I dreamed that Jenna and I were at the grocery store picking up a few things, and again, I had the knowledge that she was about to die, but in this dream, she also had that knowledge.

When we were checking out, I started crying almost uncontrollably. In the dream, I was thinking of how I had lost a dear friend "DeWayne". We had known each other since about 12 years of age and were inseparable for about 5 years, and then visited each other often until the age of 30 when he passed away. I just couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose Jenna, and just couldn't hold back the tears. For some reason, we had to leave the line and go get a grocery buggy (or cart) as Jenna called it, to put the groceries in, and we sat down and I was still crying and right before I woke up, I could hear that she was crying too.

All of these dreams are strange to me, but I think they are all versions of my mind trying to process what has happened.

Oh no she didn't!

This evening around 5:30 I decided that the 1st dentist I took Rand to yesterday morning was probably not going to call to check on him. The second dentist that I tok him to yesterday called to check on him about the same time yesterday.

I called the office of the first dentist and cancelled my upcoming appointment for a cleaning and said that I didn't want to re-schedule and wouldn't be back. I was going to leave it at that as I don't enjoy confrontation and thought that would be that.

Tonight around 8:20 I got a call from this dentist saying that she had received my message and wanted to know if there was a problem. I said "Yes, when we left your office yesterday I felt sick and really just don't want to go back". I know I could have said a lot more than that but didn't want to get into it.

Well she must not have remembered me because she asked when we were there or some question that let me know she didn't know. I told her I had brought my 3 year old in there and that we had left with a hole in his tooth, I had taken him to a Pediatric Dentist who said that the nerve was exposed and there was still decay inside the tooth.

She then asked who this Dentist was and I told her and she said "Oh that's stanard procedure for him. She then asked if I was telling her that "They did a root canal on that baby". I said they did a nerve procedure and capped his tooth.

Then she said "Well you need to check the boards on him. I'm sorry it happened and I'm sorry you went to him". Thanked me for calling and said "Just check the boards" and goodbye basically.

I'm still stunned. Where does she even find the gaul? So of course now I'm wondering which one is telling the truth? I really don't "know" either one of them and how do you "check the boards" on someone? I think that when I call whoever the heck you call to make a complaint, I will hopefully find out who is right.